just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
