Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
