I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
