Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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