just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
