oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You work out of a Hotel?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
