tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we're so committed to being not committed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
