how can u be prego again
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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