If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
