I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
