I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
