I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
