I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I deserve this hangover.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
