Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
