Too much gin, very little bucket
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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