UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
