then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
