i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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