Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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