just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
