My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
