shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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