He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
