I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He better not be in your backpack
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
