You really coming over, don't trick.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
