I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
