I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
