now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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