i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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