One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the day after is always just damage control
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
