i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
