She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
