I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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