from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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