I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is Oprah even human
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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