I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
