I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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