Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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