It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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