I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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