Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
