I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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