You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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