I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
