these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
