i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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