I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
