I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
