im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
