i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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