saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
